i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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