Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
