And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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