wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
