Yo dont text me then not text me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
