I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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