She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
