oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
