we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
