currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
