it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
