Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
