a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
