I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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