Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
