i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
