Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
