Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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