I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
