this beer tastes like vomit already
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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