I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
