so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
