He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
