I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
