I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
