I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
