I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
