We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
this hospital has no fireball
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
