If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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