I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
