Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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