I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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