Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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