The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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