I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
