Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
