Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
