I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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