I've blown a few things in my day
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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