oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
