Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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