My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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