The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
