I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
