after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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