I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
