I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
