wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
