She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
