i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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