I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
