This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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