Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
