the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
