Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
