you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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